What's wrong?

What's wrong with us?

I really wanna know.

Hopefully the answer will come soon cos I don't know how long I can deal with this constant rejection and aggression.

Life goes on for now.

Ryan and guys, don't bother calling me this few days k. I gotta get thru this myself, like how I got thru 2000. Thanks for being there boys. Sorry I haven't been as present as much as you've would have liked.

Going to work now.

Another Day...

I FINALLY GOT TO THE GYM TODAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

After not going for months, it really felt good to be back... Months of neglect have really done my body in. Could't leg press more than 200lbs and couldn't shoulder press more than 100lbs...

Very bad...

Need to go more often from now on, no more excuses.

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Had some silly argument with Bebe this afternoon again. Let's just say the problem is resolved for now, gotta wait til this weekend is over before we'll know if there'll be more trouble. Hope not...

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6pm to 730pm. Happening!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Fireworks better than National Day.... I'm spent but I'l still game for lots more. Ironic...

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Haven't been able to sleep early the last few weeks. Promised Bebe I will try. So I shall try now.

Good night Bebe, I love you, much more than you'll ever know.

Very tired

Don't know why I'm so tired but maybe it's a good thing if i can finally fall asleep early.

I love you Bebe and thank you for being so nice today.

I know I got a long way to go before being good enough.

I'll try my best k.

Good night. I'll write tomorrow(if I wake up early)...

Thoughts Before Bed

In the last 2 days alone, Bebe has gone for 2 things she really wasn't keen on, just cos I mentioned about going.

First was ktv. I realized last night that I can't really sing anymore and I'm not as enthusiastic anymore about singing. Bebe didn't have any mood to sing also. Spent half the night trying to find some song that one of the P.Superxxxx girls sang, to no avail. Well, Bebe just sat there trying to get through the night without falling asleep. Effectively from last night, I've lost 95% of going to ktv. I'm getting old...

This afternoon, we watched The Covenant. Looked exciting when I saw the trailer in Bangkok, but the actual movie turned out disappointing. You can't explore 5 families' history, add in teenage angst, a little love and a little subplot about spiders, all within 1.5 hours. Ended up looking like Street Fighter instead of some exciting goth show. And the scary part was not the "darklings" in the show. The scariest part is there MIGHT BE A SEQUEL!!!!!!!!!!!! Anyway, Bebe didn't really wanna watch the show but she suggested going cos I mentioned in Bangkok that I wanted to watch. Now after watching, I should have listened to her and not watch it. Much rather watch The Guardian or The Prestige once more. But Bebe again sat through it, just like how she sat through last night's terrible sing song session.

If these 2 incidents doesn't further cement the fact that Bebe loves me, I don't know what does.

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Bebe wants to go to St James Power Station. And I'll go, cos I love her, simple as that. Bebe was upset that I said it was for her, but it's true mah. If not for her, I wouldn't visit anywhere noisy and smoky. But then, the truth is always hard to accept so I rest my case...

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I felt really bored today after dinner with Bebe and her family. Suddenly felt really aimless and lost. Don't know what happened also.

I'm happy whenever I'm with Bebe, of course there're times when she treads on my toes and upsets me with that machine gun mouth of hers but then, I'm guilty of the same crimes as stated above...

Sigh... It's tough to be in love... Can't live with her, can't live without her...

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Tomorrow is a new day of a new week.

What shit will come? I really don't know.

After so long in the job, I still can't help getting shocked at the amount of types of shit that can possibly present themselves once I step back after a break.

Am I expecting too much of others? Am I not doing good enough myself? Am I being impatient? Am I asking for too much from myself? Or have I just not tried hard enough?

Whatever the case, I know there'll be shit tomorrow.

So I always gotta get my toilet bowl ready. Hopefully it stays functional till most of the shit is cleansed. I gotta upgrade my toilet bowl to a better one soon, probably one with the water jets to clean your ass after shitting...

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Lots of stuff have happened in the last few weeks. Alot of it has raised lots of self doubts about myself. But somehow I've managed to pull through before I break.

I need my strength from somewhere. Right now, Bebe forms a large part of that energy pool. And I know in my future, Bebe will always be a part of my energy source and inspiration, till the day she doesn't want to anymore.

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Saw on Zhang Fei's show that day an interview with Matilda Tao.

Something she said really striked a cord in my heart.

If one day Bebe leaves before me, I really don;t know how to live on anymore cos she's become such an essential part of my life. That's how much I love her. She may never ever feel the same way but I know she loves me too and she'll definitely be sad if I ever leave before her.

That's all I need to know.

I love Bebe. Done...

Good night everybody.

Again Before I Sleep

I want to make Bebe my wife.

Forget all the crap I've done or said, I want Bebe and only Bebe to be my wife.

And I want Bebe to stay healthy. At whatever price or sacrifice necessary. Yes, whatever sacrifice necessary.

Good night stupid world.

Before I Sleep

I start work after my "long" break in a few hours.

I'm too exhausted and mentally drained to write much.

I just wanna ask before I sleep, when is good enough gonna be really good enough and when will I not screw up?

Life's sickening sometimes.

Good night.