Clarification of facts

Let's get something clear once and for all.

I am an asshole.

I took the girl I loved for granted.

For more than a year, she put up with my nonsense.

I hurt her mentally, emotionally and physically.

I snapped one last time on Tuesday and hurt her again.

After that I went crazy, went home, took everything that belonged to her and sent it all down to her office.

I behaved like a complete fool and made a mess out of the whole thing.

I hurt my woman. I behaved like a jerk more than once.

And today she called me asshole.

Wasn't easy to swallow but she was right. I am an asshole.

Of all the right things I've done in my life, I had to choose to become an asshole with the woman whom I'm supposed to love.

All these months, I've let my insecurities overwhelm me on more than one occasion. Rendering me incapable of sorting my life out.

Bebe is right. Where is that guy who was so nice and did things without expectations. Where is the guy who put his heart totally into something and just did it cos it felt right to do it. I let that guy disappear. I let my imagination run wild. I let myself think that I wasn't good enough.

I screwed up. I screwed up bad.

SO here it is. There was only one victim in the relationship and it wasn't me. It's in black and white. Bebe was the victim. I hurt her and I hurt her bad.

I have one last chance. I will have to change and be good once and for all. If I can;t do it, I will have to lose Bebe for good. I don't want to. I will strive to change. I must change. I will never get used to life without Bebe.

I must change. Action speaks louder than words. I just wish for a hug right now. Not from anyone else. I just want a hug from Bebe, the woman I love, the woman I hurt, the woman I so desperately want back in my life.