Day 2(Repost)

This is a repost from my LOST blog...

It's officially 25 hours since Bebe left Sxxxxpore for Tokxx. Still can't believe I let my tears drop in front of those few kids who were also sending someone off at T1 last night.An excerpt from what I overheard as I walked away from them:Girl 1: Wah you see that guy so sad, crying* some more.Girl 2: Ya lor, people so romantic, not like you all, all "bo sim".Boy 1: People very in love mah**Boy 2: You want I also can cry for you.* For their information, tearing is not equivalent to crying. The former doesn't involve sounds.** Kids nowadays, I wonder if they still teach English in school.Boy 2 obviously have never really cried in his life before, maybe minus the time his mum whipped him so hard with 10 canes for stealing the neighbour's grandma knickers. It's not on call or as simple as it seems my young friend.This is not Bebe's 1st trip overseas on her own but it really came too soon and too sudden. We'd just come back from Bangkok on Thursday and before I knew it, it was Saturday and time to fly.Bangkxx...It was supposed to be a trip for us and 2 other friends to resolve some issues and put closure to a niggling event. After that have a good well deserved break. But I screwed up. I screwed up big time.If time could be reversed, I'd be less nasty, less fierce and less sensitive. Bebe deserves so much more than what I can offer. In Bangkxx I nearly gave up and I nearly made Bebe give up on me. I'm glad we both decided to give it another go.How tough is it to find a girl whom I can love and love me back? Not tough based on my past track records. In fact it's so much easier to find a girl who'll love me more than I love her. Guess after that big episode in '92, and various smaller episodes before Bebe came along, I just couldn't bring myself to love all out anymore.In Bebe, I found THE ONE. No matter how much I tried to make myself not love her, I just couldn't. She's a wonderful woman, minus the fiery temper(which I'm equally gulty of) and perhaps her occasional negativity, she's all that I can ever wish for.In Bangkxx, I learnt more things about the 2 of us which made me realize even more how much I love her. And the only people who can both make this work or fail is us. I wanna be a better man. Not just for her, but for everyone around me.I used to think I was one of the best around, but life with Bebe made me realize otherwise. I'm human after all. I have my flaws, like everyone else. It hit me hard to realize that I couldn't be the best anymore. But my priority right now, to be the best I can possibly be for Bebe.I wanna be better tempered. I wanna be more understanding. I wanna be so much more. I wanna be able to start this improvement ball rolling by the time Bebe's back on Saturday.I miss you Bebe. Really do.I'll go to bed now. Got a hectic morning at the gym tomorrow followed by hour after hour of hectic work.