Woken up by a phone call at 6 plus. My poor cashier got chicken pox, so me gotta go her place in Tampines to get safe key from her. Sigh...
Talked to Bebe for a while then decided on picking up her IC from her place. Too bad, my future father-in-law not home at 930am so headed to gym for workout.
This was where my happening day began...
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Today no PT so I did my own cardio on the cross trainer. Decided to try level 10 then slowly increase to level 15. KNN... Difficult leh.... Forgot yesterday I did legs so today "kabolat". So ended up training my arms more than my legs.
The gym was quite empty today as everyone had gone back to their nice air conditioned office. When I got to the weights area, HO SAY LIAO!!!!!!! No gays!!!!!!! At least I thought no gays.
Did bench press first. NO strange stares or strange movements. My Gaydar detected no gay activities.
1st set. Nothing.
2nd set. Nothing.
3rd set. HONG GAN GU GU BIRD (henceforth known as HG3B, macam bird flu virus strain)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Juat when I thought for once I could train without gay interference....
Arrival of KOG(King Of Gays)!!!!!!
Target Name: Sebastian(Don't know Tan or Ong or Teo or Chua or Phua or KaCng la, can't be bothered, not Lim can liao)
Height: 1.7m
Weight: Between 80 to 85kg
Favourite colours: Pink and sky blue
Favourite phrases: 1) Ai Yo Eh! 2) Ni Nia Eh! 3) Wah, so light! (KNN, 200 kg still light. Xiao ah!)
Favourite activities: 1) Looking at him/herself 2) Looking at other males, big, small, fat, thin, ugly or handsome. Jia ga liao. 3) Sitting half naked in underwear in men's locker room, ogling men
So our dear Sebastian appeared at approximately 1025am at the dumbbells area. No companion today. Guess all the other gays are on MC. Too much anal action=Ka Cng Failure.
Me trying very hard not to stare but for Lim Beh's sake, he was wearing translucent tank top cut to his nipple level and tight pink tights. Ok, some joker is gonna ask me why must call tights tight or how can tights not be tight.
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The Story Of How Tights Can Possibly Not Be Tight
Once upon a time, Mr A invented an extended version of underwear that he called tights. Underwear was first invented to keep a man's equipment in place so they won't swing left and right during movement, leading to abrasions and testicular blood vessels rupture.
One day, Mr A discovered that the conventional underwear couldn't fit his equipment so he decided to make his own extended version. Being the genius that he was, he named them tights cos thay made his 15 inch dick and tennis balls feel, what else, tight. Why got 's' behind "tight" to become "tights"? KNN!!!! Please go ask the guy who invented "shorts" and "bermudas". I'm not the genius.
Anyway, enough about the tights. Years later, in a southern province of China, a middle aged housewife was getting sick of washing the clothes of all the 50 men in the family piece by piece on the washing board by the river. (Don't ask why got 50 men, read story don't think too much) So she dumped all the clothes into a shallow pool of water amongst the river rocks nearby and intelligently started to use a branch to turn all the clothes in the pool. Miraculously, she realized the dirt and mud from the clothes were being removed by her twist and turn motion. (Don't ask what brand of washing powder she used. Last time no wasing powder, only got soya sauce and salt so go figure!)
Eventually, the Americans came, saw her innovative idea, went back and invented what we now know as the washing machine.
So how can tights not be tight? Simple. Wash your tights in the washing machine long enough and you get untight tights.
So in conclusion, some joker invented tights to keep his dick and balls snug and tight. Another joker invented the wasing machine that made the first joker's tights not tight anymore.
Moral of the story: Wash clothes by hand!
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Anyway back to Sebastian. He was doing lateral raises in front of the mirror while I was doing leg presses about 8 metres away from him, separated only be 2 rows of weights. Sweat was dripping from me non stop, more out of fear than strain. Please don't come near me. We were the only 2 people there. Everyone else seemed to have disappeared once KOG walked in.
Tough luck. Our dear Sebastian started his grunting routine again. KNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He sounded like a wild boar mating, wrong, actually he sounded like a male wild boar mating with another male wild boar. (Don't ask me how I know what that sounds like. LIm Beh got watch Discovery Channel and National Geographic one leh!)
Cannot take it liao. I had to leave. I stepped away from the machine, picked up my towel and was about to head downstairs when HIS HAND TOUCHED MY ARM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! QUICK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!POUR DETTOL ON ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SAVE ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I DON'T WANT TO DIE OF AIDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sebastian: "Hi. My name Sebas. Wanna go for coffee later?"
Me: (KNN! Sebastian say Sebastian la. What Sea Bass? Wanna steam or deep fried?) Sorry no thanks. I have to go work. (Gan jeong cannot even speak proper English)
Sebastian: Fast one la. What your name? Gimme your contact la.
Me: (Fast one=Quickie! NBB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! For one minute in the last 10plus hours I was actually glad I lost my phone.) I lost my phone. Bye.
And Lim Beh walked as fast as I could, down the stairs, into the shower, showered in 1 minute and out of the gym.
My life is so traumatizing.
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Nothing much happened at work la. At least not yet. Tonight got function so I shall see if more adventures await me.
8 more long torturous days to go.
I miss you so much Bebe.
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